do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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