there's paper in my vomit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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