you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize