Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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