I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize