Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
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Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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