I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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