sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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