you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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