addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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