i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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