She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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