No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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