I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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