Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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