I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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