whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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