remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize