I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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