Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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