I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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