if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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