i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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