ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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