It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize