Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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