Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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