Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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