if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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