He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize