"it" just moved
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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