Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize