whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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