i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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