well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize