If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize