This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize