Me. At least after what I've been through.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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