woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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