u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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