he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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