Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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