shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize