He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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