I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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