I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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