on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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