Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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