I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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