My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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