Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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